Speed bursts

Day 82 

General status update

Chemo Muse: Mad crazy burst of demonic energy set in yesterday evening, plus hilarious high spirits, much to the alarm of poor R, who had to cope with my sudden metamorphosis from Sylvia Plath into Kathy Lette, without benefit of any added drugs or alcohol. The FEC drugs are doing some very weird things to me this cycle – and it’s not just me, a Cyber Chemo Buddy is having very similar experiences, which is reassuring.

Sleep, lack of: was still bouncing off the walls and giggling to myself at 2am, R having gone to sleep in high dudgeon after I accused him of  having an unusually large head, and then fell about laughing. Hey, I was only joking! The Chemo made me say it! R, your head is  fabulous, really. And not at all abnormally sized, especially considering you are a philosophy professor.

Nausea demon: He’s starting to read the Demon Job Ads, as his job here only lasts for another six weeks – I wonder who he’ll go and torment next?I think he’s angling for a high-paid celebrity pregnancy gig, given that he keeps looking at the back pages of The Lady. He must have been so p***ed off when he got me instead of the Duchess of Cambridge…

Chemo Brian: this morning’s manic whirl of activity including kicking Chemo Brian off the sofa so I could hoover it – he still hasn’t quite recovered from the shock.

Fatigue/weakness: The manic energy lasted until 3.30pm this afternoon precisely, at which point I was overcome by an overwhelming wave of weakness in Tesco’s; my legs felt as if they were giving way under me, and I had to sit down for 10 minutes, resting my head on my trolley, until I felt strong enough to totter out. Such is the Way of FEC.

Hair: I still have eyebrows and eyelashes; apparently nobody else does. That can’t be the cold cap, can it? It must be genetic poison-resistance. Curious.

Anxiety level (1-10): what anxiety? Today have been bouncing along on a happy wave of weird chemotherapy lightheadedness – so wish FEC would feature more of this, and less of the nausea.

State of mind: perfectly chipper, thanks very much.

Today the general status update is going to be bigger than the blog post, because I have run right out of gas… it was the week from hell, but things are getting better, and the hospital is sorting things out for me, which I was going to write about today, but will have to do tomorrow, because the mad burst of energy has evaporated and been replaced by deep, deep fatigue.

With chemo you just have to do what your body tells you: Chemo Brian is beckoning from the sofa and I must go and lie down right now - I'll be back tomorrow.