Lean on me…

Day 118 

General status update

Fatigue/weakness: I’m too weak to write the general status update today, but the Chemo Demons are all perfectly fine, thank you.

FEC is not going to let me go easily, and today it just came and rugby-tackled me from behind: the nausea, the stomach pains and the quite overwhelming weakness and fatigue.

I am floored, even with the steroids: the Dexys give you an artificial mental high, but they can’t make the rest of your body work when it’s totally, totally FECked. Matron Becky warned me this might happen, going into my last dose of chemo when I was still feeling so very weak, and she was right. Today I didn’t even make it onto the sofa with Chemo Brian, I just spent the day lying on the bed; even getting into the shower and getting dressed seemed more than I could possibly manage.

But I could see it was such a beautiful sunny day outside, and in the end the need for air and light overcame the desire to stay horizontal: it was a monumental effort, but I got myself together and then got myself outside, and walked – OK, tottered - down to the river, which normally takes ten minutes, but today was more like twenty-five. I had to stop and rest on the way. When I got there, I collapsed onto the nearest bench I could find, and made no attempt to walk any further.

But I did get there: Fo -1, FEC - 0.

And I sat in the sun, and felt the breeze on my face, and that was so, so good. 

There’s lots of research saying that fresh air and exercise help a great deal with tolerating the side effects of chemo, and it’s true. Much as I love Chemo Brian, getting outside and moving around every day, even if only for a short while, is so important: and apart from the physical benefits, it stops you feeling like a prisoner.

R, who’d been out taking his little boy to the Science Museum, came and collected me from my bench, gave me a mild scolding for overtaxing myself, and walked me home.

I could have made it on my own, but it was so much better with his arm to hold on to.